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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Confessions of a Cell Phone Junkie

  Telecommunications have come along way from the days of party lines and dial phones, we jumped on the bandwagon as soon as cell phones became small enough to fit in a pocket. Since that time I have become inextricably connected to my cell phone. I am sure this reveals something neurotic about my personality but since I am intimately connected to my own neurosis I give it very little thought. There are much bigger fish to fry in that department let me tell you!
 As cell phones have become more sophisticated, more and more people carry them, which equates to a lot of people talking on their phone a lot of the time. Thus the advent of cell phone etiquette.
Out of curiosity, I googled cell phone etiquette. There were 10,600 results to my inquiry. This confirms my theory that cell phone rules are ambiguous and relative to who you are.  For example; when you go to a Doctor's office you will find in every room a poster requesting that you turn off your cell phone. When cell phones were new I thought they were a little bit magical; so I assumed that Doctors wanted me to turn off my cell phone because there may be pacemakers in the room and if my phone rang the pacemaker would be disrupted and I would have someone's death on my conscious. Of course now I realize that its because Doctors are important and busy people and they don't want your phone to interrupt the consultation. This does not seem unreasonable to me but, and this is where relativity comes in, if the Doctor's phone rings they do not mind the interruption.  This actually happened to me once. I was in the emergency room with my mother when the Doctor's cell phone rang and he left in the middle of a consultation to have a phone conversation in the hall. It wasn't an important case as one might assume. In thirty seconds I understood that it was VERY personal. Conclusion; your place on the importance scale definitely has something to do with when and where you may answer your cell phone.
 These are murky waters and I have been trying to figure them out for a long time. If one just tries to learn by observation, good luck! But fortunately  I have adult children to help me navigate through the obstacles, plus there are some rules and lessons I have personally adopted to fit my situation. This is what I have learned.
1. If you should leave you phone home by mistake try not to panic and whatever you do, don't let on to anybody that its driving you crazy and that you have broken out in a cold sweat that will last till you are reunited with your cell phone.
2. NEVER assume that you may text when you are with your adult children just because they are.
3. It is rude to answer your cell phone in public. Everyone does it just be aware that it is rude.
4. It is not reasonable to assume that just because your children haven't immediately answered your texts that they have been kidnapped and their hands are tied.
  Of course my education is an ongoing thing. A couple of weeks ago I answered a text when we were in the movie theater. I don't get what all the flap is about. That little tiny light on the phone can't possibly compete with the big screen. Never the less, the scolding I received from my husband was painful enough that I'm not likely to make that mistake again soon. Also, I have learned that I must turn my phone off when I go to church; because if I get a text while I'm there, God goes out the window. Once I did reply to a text from my daughter when I was in church. It wasn't during an important part just for the record, but she somehow found out and the look of horror made a deep and lasting  impression. "Mother I can't believe you texted me from church!" "Well I replied God knows me and I'm sure he understands." I have since decided that she is correct and so I turn the phone off because if I am alerted about a text, no matter where I am, I feel compelled to answer it.
 Many women I know carry their phones in their bras.  Call me sentimental but I propose that it is as close as they can get to their children when they are away and so they wear their phones over their hearts. I remember when people started wearing their cell phones on their ears. I indignantly stated that the day I started wearing a phone on my ear was the day hell would freeze over. But I'm starting to think that it is preferable to have a phone on your  ear rather then sticking your hand down the front of your shirt every time it rings. That is until they find a way to have them surgically implanted.
  Some years ago when I still worked for the library system, I worked in youth services with a delightful woman who indeed kept her phone in her bra. She was masterful at discretely answering it and most of the time no one noticed it because she kept it on vibrate. She worked with a teen group and one night when they were all in the teen room, her phone went off in a quiet moment. The curious looks of the young people indicated that they had heard it but could not tell where it was coming from. Finally they all realized that it was coming from my friend. "Pacemaker" she said without skipping a beat and moved on with the meeting.
 I'm not sure, but I think this attachment to cell phones might be something just my generation suffers from. Certainly my own children do not have cell phone attachment issues. It could be days before they answer calls or texts. Not because they don't care, but because the phone is not part of their consciousness at all times like it is for me. When our youngest was in college I would call him and there would be no answer. In my defense I didn't start to panic immediately but after some hours of not hearing I would start to get nervous. By the time he would call back, he had died a thousand violent deaths and I was starting to make funeral arrangements. "Sorry mom, my battery was dead." I never said it out loud, but on the inside I was screaming" your battery has been dead for three days? Really?" Who knows the real answer. He would not be the first kid to ignore his mother's calls, but I think he just wasn't that connected to his phone.
 I think my family has probably entertained thoughts of an intervention. My husband's dream vacation always includes me leaving my cell phone behind, I'm pretty sure if I actually did that, I wouldn't be the only one making adjustments. How would he find me when we got separated?





4 comments:

  1. Dear Readers,
    Let me just say that Helen is not exaggerating in the slightest. Every word is true and... she failed to mention the following: texting and driving (this is particularly terrifying as she first digs in her pocket to get her cell phone and then proceeds to text), texting to one child while engaged in an actual conversation with another child, texting while visiting Grandma, texting while eating dinner, texting while in the bathtub, and the real humdinger ... texting while at prayer chapel!
    In addition to all of the aforementioned text violations there are even more suspected transgressions but I will wait until have proof before I expose her!

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  2. This reminds me of my own mother, she is always on her phone texting!

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  3. Insightful and humorous Aunt Helen...I look foward to more blog postings. Did you see my wife has a food blog?

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