Me and Tulips

  Although there is a part of me that would love to run with abandon, I much prefer a stroll. I miss a country road. When one strolls down a country road, they are aware. Aware of the crunching of gravel underfoot, the sweet grasses blowing to and fro, the gurgling of the water in the canal, the trilling of the red wing blackbird on the post.
  I confess that I walk for exercise and so much of what I wish I noticed remains unnoticed. This pretty much defines me. I am destination oriented. I don't know if one who has been focused on arriving for 53 years can change, but I want to give it a try. I've always wanted to give it a try. In my heart, I am a person who dreams of mindful living. But I have been forced by conditions to seek the target like a tulip in a green house is forced to bloom out of season. And the thing is, I have been forced to bloom prematurely so many times, I'm starting to fade. I wish someone would plunk me in the good rich earth so I could soak up the nutrients of becoming. If only I could bloom naturally from here on, I would go to the earth that last time a content woman.
  I realize of course this is something I must do for myself. I intend to all of the time. But once I set foot to floor I am off like and arrow for the bulls eye! Alas my copy of Mindfulness for Dummies remains unread. It called to me from my bookshelf the other day so I pulled it out and set it in my chair so I would remember to read it. I don't know how, I have no conscious remembrance of moving it, but it now resides on the floor next to my chair, a companion to a pile of other books I want to remember to read.
  On Mother's day last year, my daughter came and picked me up, stopped and got a coffee and then drove me around and told me about her growing up. It was an awesome present because I had forgotten so much of it.  Now I have grandchildren and it's happening again. When I cleaned our freezer a while back, I found a teething ring that belonged to our granddaughter. She will be turning 10 this month.
(for the record it hasn't been ten years since I cleaned our freezer, the teething ring was hiding in the door shelf where I can't see because I am short.)
  I want the surprises I am missing because I am not paying attention. It's like the birds. Some years ago my husband and I started paying attention to the birds. Since then we have seen amazing and even rare color and observed very different types of bird behavior. Before we started paying attention, I just sort of thought all birds were brown.
  So, here goes. I am going to start to pay attention and see what happens. I fully expect a grand adventure! Undiscovered territory! I am going to stop and smell the tulips.